Hidden Scars

In the depth of my heart
there lies my pain
the pains I get when
my emotions turn jagged
and my inside tight

Waiting with wide eyes
my heart hanging in my mouth
hoping for kindness
like a child I longed for
soothing
Instead I get balked

Pushing back against pain
for so long
medicating with friendship
yet returns in my weaker moment
and devastating my mind

I’ve come to realise
what endless pain would be
When I would wake up one morning
realising I was dead
buried and forgotten by those
who are dear and close to me
but alive and kicking to strangers;
people who don’t give a damn about me

I have known pain
when I go to sleep with it
every night and seeing myself
being lowered in my own grave
when I scream to those
mourning and burying me but
no one hears my scream and whimpers

I’ve never been a person
to hold a grudge instead
seeking to understand the
motives of another

It doesn’t mean there
is no scars
only that I have no
forgiveness of them
to forgive I must first resent
or at least that’s my understanding
Perhaps that’s how I heal so well

Anyhow, perhaps my scars
are my road map
maybe I’d be lost without them