It was another busy morning in the village of Ilujinle, children and women had their calabash with them as they journey along the path that led to the only stream in the village. Farmers had their hoes and cutlases with them as they set out to their various farms to prepare their land for the coming planting season. Emaka as usual had his bottle of locally brewed gin under his arm as he swore at the villagers.
Deborah watched these scenes every morning, it’s always the same everyday she said to herself as she looked up at the beautiful morning sun then she wished that she refused to remain in the village when her aunt urged her to come with her to the city. “This whole place is a nightmare “, she remembered her aunt words. “You will get a good life in the city”, her aunt had promised “You might even get a rich man to marry you, you won’t have to worry about a thing” She had such high hopes for her life in the city but all her hopes were dashed. Six in the morning and the traffic was already near it’s climax. Cars were honking here and there and the city was already alive. It was another day and Deborah had to worry about meeting another man who would treat her as though she was nothing but a piece of object to be used and abused. She had just woken up from her two-hour sleep since she got back from the hotel where she met her last client. Luckily for her Chief Festus wasn’t the rough kind of man. She never gets pained that she had to offer herself to Chief Festus and he pays well too. Madam Ceci also knew that. The bang that came on her door next told her everything she needed to know. Madam Ceci was where for her own share of the loot Deborah brought home. It was as though everyone wanted a piece of her. “Debbie!”, she screamed her name so loud that even the dead could hear and turn in their graves. “No tell me say you still dey sleep”, she asked in Nigeria pidgin English. “I’m not asleep. I’m just trying to find a dress to wear” “Na soso big big grammar you dey always speak. Open this door before I break am down oo” “Calm down!” “Na me you dey tell say make I calm down. Na because say Chief Festus don like you na” Deborah opened the door and Madam Ceci forced her way through the door as though she was being chased by an army of hired assassin. Madam Ceci found a way to the nearest thing closest to a seat that she could find. She had such an obese figure that from banging on Deborah’s door to rushing into the room, she had to gasp for breath and find a place to quickly catch her breath. Deborah couldn’t help herself but chuckle at the sight of it. “Wetin dey make you laugh?” Madam Ceci asked as though she didn’t know. “Nothing” Deborah answered admist a stiffled laughter. Madam hissed, still trying to catch her breath “Where my money?” It was the audacity that irritated Deborah. Everyone felt that you owed them something. Money that you didn’t work for but still expected a share of it. Deborah went ahead to give her ‘her cut’ “This thing small oo” “That’s what you get because I didn’t get enough from Chief this time around “ “Na lie you dey lie”, madam Ceci protested but she knew she wasn’t getting more than that from her what she had already gotten. “Ten thousand naira is small for this jobless woman. She should be lucky I still give her that much” Deborah thought to herself as she slammed the door after her. She was fuming with anger and she secretly wanted to find someone vent all her worries on. A tear rushed to her eyes but she quickly pushed it back l. She didn’t know why she did that but she did it any way “Mama, going to Lagos will be the answers to our prayers”, she had told her mother when Aunty Bimbo had encouraged her to join her in Lagos. “You dont have to go to Lagos before you become successful”, Her mother had argued. “I doubt if anyone can make it in this village of ours” “I don’t think this is what your father would have wanted for you” “My father would have wanted me to be very successful and do what is lawfully needful to become successful” “I still don’t think you should go.” “Mama, please. I beg you. There is nothing that would make me happier than going to Lagos right now and besides once I start earning, I will take care of you “ “It is not just about the money, Deborah” “What is it then?”, Deborah quizzed. “I don’t trust Bimbo. She has always had a way of finding illegitimate ways of making money. I can’t guarantee that she will let you make money in honest ways” “Mama, you just want me to stay here with you” She had left- without her mother’s knowledge. She snuck out if the house very early that morning to the park. Aunty Bimbo had given her the directions to her house in Lagos. Aunty Bimbo who she later knew to be called Madam B turned out to be the most despicable person she had ever met. It seemed to Deborah that Madam B had forgotten that they were related in any way and treated her in the most dehumanizing way possible. She made her sleep with more than ten men everyday. Starved her and locked her up for days if she dared protested. Eventually, Deborah accepted prostitution as a profession and a way of life. It wasn’t until Madam B died of a totally unknown cause that she started putting the pieces of her life together. She found Madam Ceci on one of her several escapedes around town. Madam Ceci wasn’t as evil as Madam B was. It was easier to be free with Madam Ceci than it was with Madam B. She planned to make more money and leave Madam Ceci’s brothel as soon as she made enough money. But five years down the line and she hasn’t made enough money. From paying rent to Madam Ceci to sending money to her ailing mother and her struggling siblings. The needs were just unending. “Come back home” Her mother had urged her once on phone. “I can’t. I am working” “What is that job you are doing?” “I’m working hard. Don’t bother yourself with the details, Mama.” Her mum was well aware that whatever job it was that her daughter was doing, she wasn’t going to like it so she never bothered to ask anymore. Deborah knew that despite the fact that she told herself that she was still in the business of prostitution because she needs more money, the real reason is that she can’t see herself doing something else. The only thing she knows how to do and the only job she knows how to feed herself with is this prostitution. Her only goal was to leave the shackles of brothel managers like Madam Ceci and become independent and do what she wants to do on her own terms. “I’m in this for life and I know it ” Deborah said to herself as she got herself ready for another day as a woman in the street.
People were worried, no one could tell where Adio is. Adigun still looked troubled and his countenance was not favorable. Adio had asked his workers to immediately plant cassava stem after the harvest. Everything had seem to be going on well, but why would Adigun be this worried? Adio was already thinking of getting more land to start cocoa farm also once this new harvest of cassava sells well as projected.
She was at home, cleaning the house, washing her husband’s clothes and gathering sticks to prepare food for her husband when suddenly Adigun ran in seeking for Adio, this frightened Asunke, the wife of Adio who answered in fear that he wasn’t at home, immediately Adigun ran out of the house again.
Adio had gone on a trip, after he set up his goods in the market and put one of his boys in charge. He went to Itedo to conclude a business deal with his new partners who were willing to buy cassava in large quantities to process into garri. When he came back, he couldn’t understand what was happening and what people were saying. At first, he didn’t know what to do but later summoned courage and went to his farm.
Ajiun was a village with none of the social amenities that makes life comfortable. People were seen carrying buckets of water running towards his farm. From afar, one could see smoke rising up in the air. The farm had a farmstead with lanterns kept to lighten up the place at night. Inside the lanterns was kerosene to keep the fire burning. Adio’s farm had caught fire and his storage ban and farm land had been up in flames. It took the help of some of the villagers to help put out the fire to the level that Adio met it.
He couldn’t believe what his eyes was seeing, all his investments were up in flames. How would he start again? How could he ever survive the impact of this wreckage? At the sight of this, he slumped and was rushed to the native doctor who helped to revive him. After he got home, his wife made sure he got some rest, but she also was down in thoughts and was saddened.
The villagers held a meeting as to how they could help Adio. They all decided to contribute a sum of money to help him revive his farm and business.
The year after this incident, Adio was up again and his business was gradually flourishing once more. One thing that the Land of Ajiun was known for was their ability to help each other when in need. This singular act has made them the talking point among many surrounding villages. Their population increases yearly because many people get to make the Land their home as a result of this love they shared!
It was a calm morning, the sun had already risen, and people were already at their various businesses, it was their market day in the Land of Ajiun. A typical African village buzzing with palm wine tappers showcasing their products for sale, and cassava farmers ready to sell their freshly harvested farm produce. It was a busy day and Adio was very involved with business, trying to make ends meet for his family. The other day, he had already told his friend who was an hunter to help him keep a bush meat for his family to have dinner with on the market day. Surely, it was going to be a busy day and he needed something to reward himself for all the stress he would go through. But little did he know what the day had planned for him differently.
Alamu, the first son of Adio was also busy. He is a palm wine tapper, and had gone early enough to tap some palm wine for market and for them to take at dinner also. Market has not been so favorable in recent times for him. It seemed as if people had given up the idea of drinking palm wine and would only prefer to take water. Nevertheless he still had hope and kept on giving his best, his father had assured him that once he kept on being consistent with what he does, a time will come that his effort will pay off. Akanni his junior brother has been learning the art of furniture making, getting perfect at his craft. Their father, Adio was a very popular and wealthy man in Ajiun, a cassava farmer who sells not only within the land of Ajiun but also exports his produce to lands beyond who deal more with processing the produce into gaari.
Adigun, the head of workers in Adio’s farm had been running in search of Adio. He got to market, he didn’t find him, again he ran to the house but never met him there, with the look on his face, it’s as if something very bad happened, he looked so sad and tensed. But where could Adio be? What could it be that is making Adigun run that way? It was unusual for him to be in that posture, once he looks for Adio in the market and couldn’t find him, he would have waited till when he is able to see him but this time was not to be so. It’s like a do or die affair. The Land of Ajiun is tensed. Rumours already spreading.
After a tiring day, just as I was about to retire to bed. My daughter who just celebrated her thirteenth birthday earlier that day knocked on my door, I felt so reluctant to open for her because I already knew what she came for. I made a promise to her when she celebrated her twelfth birthday the previous year. I promised to tell her about my teen years when she clocked thirteen. I can’t believe she remembered that, she has come for that and I know my daughter won’t let me rest if I ignore her, so without any further delay, I managed to opt out of bed and made it to the door to open it.
Mom! She called out to me, I answered her call. First she thanked me for throwing a big birthday party for her and promised to always be a good girl then I kissed her on her fore head. There was silence in the room after that but she finally broke the silence after five minute saying “mom have you forgotten”? I acted like I didn’t have a clue on what she was trying to say. I replied with “forgetten what eyinju mi”? meaning the apple of my eyes, as I love to call her that. She protested with her annoyance saying “mom you promised to tell me about your teen years when I clock thirteen, I can’t believe you can’t remember a promise you made just a year ago.
Then it was done on me that I had no choice than to tell her after trying to buy more time to tell her the story the next day but all efforts prooves abortive.
Eyinju, it all started when I was five years old after the demise of my dad. My mom had to remarry the monster I called my step-father since she only gave birth to me and she was still young. ( I sighed).
As I was about to continue, I paused thinking was I actually doing the right thing by telling this story to my daughter but something pushed me to continue. Eyinju! after my mom remarried, I spent most night with my step dad since my mom was always away at work. I didn’t have a better understanding of things happening with me then since I was still very young to understand things like that. My step dad would always come to my room at night molesting me, it started with him always kissing and always putting his hands into my private parts. As an innocent child I don’t understand what he was doing to me, I just remain motionless and helpless.
I remember I tried telling my mom about this but she never had the time to listen to me since she is always busy with her work. This continued every night my mom is away at work, I despise the night so much, I always cursed God for creating the night. I became traumatised, I was so scared of the night, I always wished that the day never end.
As I was about to continue, the wall clock alarm rang, Holy crap it was 12 a.m in the morning. Eyinju you have to go to bed now, don’t forget it’s Monday tomorrow and you have to be in school. Without protesting, my daughter stood up and stormed out to her room biding me good night as she leaves.
The next morning, I was very tired to get off from bed and it took me about thirty minutes before I could get myself together. I rushed to the kitchen to prepare my daughter’s breakfast while I checked my schedule for the day. Thankfully, I have nothing important aside taking my baby to the school and picking her up in the afternoon.
Just as I was about to call out to my daughter to meet me in the car, she hugged me from behind saying good morning mom as she does that. Hurry up young lady you are late already.
We headed to the door, then to the car in few minutes we arrived at her school. I waved her goodbye as I watch her join her friends. I took a U- turn and head back home.
When I got home, I remembered I hadn’t spoken to my husband in twelve hours, I picked up my phone and dialled his number. After exchanging pleasantries, the first question he asked me was “have you started telling her the story you promised to”? My reply was that I can’t believe you are also waiting for this day to come, well I started last night but couldn’t go farther though I promised to continue with her when she returns from school. After having few more conversation I ended up the call. Then sets to do the house chores.
First I had to sweep the entire house, dust all the furnitures, wash the dishes before doing the laundry. When I looked at the time it was already 2 p.m Oh! Guess I would have to branch the eatery to get our launch when I pick up my girl from school. Then I took a nap for thirty minutes.
After waking up, I quickly ran my shower and put on some light cloth because of the hot weather. In few minutes I arrived at my daughter’s school, I met her waiting for me at the gate. She hopped into the vehicle then we started our journey back home.
Before we got home, we branched to an eatery where we had our launch. By the time we got back home its late already. I quickly helped her with her school work before settling down to continue with my story from where I stopped last night.
Yea! Shall we? I asked my daughter with a smile on my face then she replied with “yes we can ” smiling back at me revealing her cute dimples.
As I was saying yesterday, I never got the chance to tell my mom all what I was passing through whenever she is away from home because she is just too busy with her work, a career woman to the core. So, her constant absence from home gave my monster step father the room to molest me more. He continued with the kissing and putting his fingers into my vagina mostly three times in a week until I became a young teenager at the age of thirteen when the worst started happening to me.
At thirteen, I would say have become a fully grown up woman since I appeared more bigger than my age.
On the night of my thirteenth birthday, I’ve been the only one at home throughout the day. So I decided to take a shower before going to bed. As I was taking my bath in the bathroom, I heard my step father’s voice who just returned and from his utterances I knew he was drunk. He called my name Tinuke, i answered from the bathroom. I stepped out from the bathroom not quite long naked with the mindset that I locked the door to my room. Just as I was about to put on my night wear, he opened the door and before I could put on my cloth he was already on me on my bed, (in a sober voice) I tried to fight back but he overpowers me until I gave up with the fight, he raped, I cried, I screamed but no one could here my voice. I remembered he lasted for thirty minutes. When he was done with me, I guess his eyes were opened, though he apologised but what can his apology do after ruining my life? My step father raped me and snatched my flower from him.
Well! It’s my fate, I accepted his apology thinking he won’t try it again just as he promised but I was wrong.
He keep on coming and coming whenever my mom is not at home. I remembered him giving me some pills back then but I don’t know the work of the pills just that I never get pregnant.
When I couldn’t take this any longer, I told my mom I would like to go to the boarding house leaving this cage I called home where no one could hear my voice but she turned me down that she can’t waste her money since I have just one year to finish from high school. This gives the monster more time to continue his fiendish escapade. I was trapped in my step father’s cage for a very long time waiting for my freedom, I tried Commiting suicide on different occasions but something always stopped me from doing so, at times my late father’s voice, his words rings in my ear then I would remember him telling me when I was four that “Tinuke you have a dream to live for” guess I have a dream and a story to tell and that’s why am still alive today.
I was about to continue when my daughter told me that we should call it a day saying she is feeling sleepy. I kissed her goodnight as she leaves to her room.
When she left, I remembered I had to be in a girls high school the following day giving the girls lecture about sex. Ó quickly boot my laptop and search for related articles for my presentation. I studied the article before going to bed, though it wasn’t easy since all I do is nodding my head against the table.
The following day after dropping my daughter at her school, I drove to the Queens Girls High School where I am to deliver my speech. Have been an advocate for child abuse when I got my admission to the University because I wouldn’t want a girl child to experience what I experienced as a girl child.
I am to talk to the girls on common problems they face as a girl child and how to overcome it, am glad parents were also invited to the program. Since I already made my research online already with the help of Google and that made it easier for me.
I begin by telling them that. like every coin with two sides, this wonderful phase comes with a lot of challenges too. You might find your teenage girl facing plethora of problems. Teenage is a time that is filled with confusion and small matters seem really big. As a parent, you need to extend help to your girl in facing these teenage girl behavioural problems. Below is the list of teenage girls issues, read on to know more.”
After saying this I begin to give them a comprehensive list and solutions to problems faced by teenage girls.
1. APPEARANCE :This probably features as the number one problem on every teenage girl’s problem list. This is the time when her body is constantly changing and she has to cope with it. To top it, she keeps seeing and hearing about these figure-perfect bodies. Media and peer pressure also play havoc.
Solution:
*Monitor your teenager very closely.
*Discuss how these ‘looks’ are more of fads.
*See to it that your young girl doesn’t adapt unhealthy eating habits.
*Ensure the people she spends time with do not act in an adverse manner.
2. EDUCATION: This is a time when your teenage girl has to constantly prove her mettle by scoring high, doing well in exams and on other educational fronts. This creates immense pressure on your young girl and leads to stress and undue pressure.
Solution:
*Make your teenage girl understand that she should study well and score good marks, but that grades are no way of judging someone. Low grades do not make anyone less educated or less talented. There is always another test she can prove herself in.
*Encourage her to take up extra-curricular activities that she likes. This will help her unwind while building more focus and concentration power.
3. DATING: Teenage already comes with a lot of problems and challenges. The sudden increased flow of sex hormones inside the body makes it even worse. You might find your girl falling for her first crush and vulnerable to romantic liaisons. A lot of teenage girls experience healthy crushes and early-age love too. However, peer pressure, changing times and the advancement of media has sort of associated sex to such teenage romantic relationships. This makes your teenager girl feel that sex it but natural in romantic relations even at an early age. Also, this is an extremely confusing time for her, in terms of precautions, safe sex and how much involvement is okay and by choice.
Solution:
*Tell her it is perfectly alright to say no to sex.
*Educate her on the sex front. It is very important for you to pass all relevant information about sex as and when she grows. Be open and discuss sex with her, it is not a taboo.
*Teach her how to be safe and all about precaution too, as you may not always be able to control her relationships.
5. BULLYING: Bullying is one of the another teenage girl issues which bothers them a lot. This starts affecting their personality and behavior. Your teenage girl might also feel depressed and react strangely by keeping to herself.
Solution:
*Make sure your teenage girl discusses everything with you.
*If you feel she is being bullied, advise her on how to face it and stand up against it.
*Teach her how she can come out of such situations and how you too were bullied sometimes when young. Children should know that they are not the only ones who face such problems. This eases them out a bit.
5. Friendship:
Teenage makes every relation seem complex. Even the beautiful bond of friendship often meets shaky grounds. This is because as a teenager, your child is developing social skills. Your daughter might love her best friend one moment and might pick an ugly fight the next. This may result in aggression and mood swings.
Solution:
*Teach your teenage girl that it is alright to fight with friends. But fights don’t make any friend bad.
*It is alright to have problems and difference of opinions. Even her best friend might not always agree with her on something.
*The best way is to discuss these problems and then forget about them.
*Monitor the kind of friends she makes.
*Ensure she is in the right company.
*Teach her that it is okay to apologize when wrong.
6. Self-Esteem: Teenage girls have this habit of comparing themselves, their body and their appearance to other girls of their age. This unconsciously creates a pressure on them. The changes in your teenage girl’s body might make her doubt herself. She might get extremely conscious about everything she does, wears or even talks about. This might adversely affect her self-esteem.
Solution:
*Make sure she doesn’t idolize models and actresses.
*Patiently explain to her that everybody is different from each other. We all are unique and we all have our own set of positives and negatives.
*Encourage her to indulge in her favourite activities and hone her skills instead.
7. Peer Pressure: Peer pressure forces teenage girls to behave a certain way that gives them a sense of belongingness. By giving into peer pressure they feel one with their peers. This even leads them to take up habits that they otherwise aren’t supposed to or are interested in.
Solution:
*Explain to your daughter what peer pressure is to help her identify it.
×Tell her that she is unique in her own way and may choose to like a certain band that her peers might not approve of. She can choose to be a certain way without feeling any detachment from her peers.
*Her opinions, views, choices, hobbies, fashion sense and even eating habits make her entirely what she is. She need not give in to any peer pressure just to make her peers feel good.
8. Substance Use:
This is a major problem that most teenagers, girls and boys, face across the world today. In most cases, peer pressure introduces teenage girls to this dangerous habit. Teenage girls retort to substance use to ease their stress, feel secure and assured from within.
Solution:
*Talk to your young girl about the bad side effects and detrimental effects of substance use.
*Explain how these give temporary good feeling while ruining her system, body, mind and soul from within.
*If she wants to try a hand at drinking, make her do it in your presence. Let her experience everything but only under your supervision and in your presence.
9. Menstruation:
This is the time your teenage girl will enter her menstruation phase for the first time. She might develop a lot of misconceptions and queries too in regard to her menstruation cycle.
Solution:
*Clear all her doubts first.
*Make her accept the fact that this process is natural. Tell her how every girl goes through this in her life and that it is part of leading a normal life.
*Teach her how to deal with emergency situations. Tell her to always carry an extra pair of underwear and tampons or sanitary napkins in her bag.
*She must also keep few medicines with her always, in case she suffers from headache or bad menstrual cramps.
*Teach her how to track her monthly periods and talk to her about pms-ing too.
10. Depression: Teenage girls can get affected by any random thing. When things don’t go their way, or when they don’t meet the standards that their peers have maintained, they feel pressurized and go into depression. Low grades, break ups, high parental expectations, weight gain, substance use, these are some of the many factors that trigger depression and are the major teen girl issues.
Solution:
*Look for signs of depression in your teenage girl.
*If you think she is losing interest suddenly in everything she does, talk to her about it.
*See to it that she behaves normally, remains happy and occupied in various activities that she enjoys.
*Excess desire to sleep or total sleep deprivation is also a sign of depression.
* Also look for signs like if she talks suddenly about death, suicide etc. Seek professional help immediately.
I rounded up after sharing a bit from my story and telling the teachers and parents that “One of the best ways to ensure you are aware of what your teenage girl is going through is by keeping an open communication.” I was applauded as I stepped out of the hall. I checked my time, I was ten minutes late to the time I have to pick my daughter from school. Without wasting more time I drove to her school to pick her up then head back home. On getting home I told her to do her assignment and prepare something for dinner that I need to rest before continuing my story where I stopped.
After having some rest, I called my daughter to my room to continue with my story.
I continued. With all this habit of my step father I always pray to God to free me from this cage I was trapped but I kept on receiving this molestation from my step father. On one occasion after a weekly fellowship from the church I attended then, there is this brother James who I decided to tell things to. I didn’t go straight with him, I just told him that I always have this dream of my step father having sex with me every night. I lied to hide my shame before him. He told me that it’s a very bad dream that am going to need a deliverance that we should go to his house since the church has been locked. Without no other choice I followed him to his house for the deliverance. When we were praying, he started caressing my breast with his hand I thought it was part of his deliverance until he pulled me up and started to unbotton my dress then it was dawn on me what he was trying to do with me. He raped covering my mouth with his hand so I won’t be able to scream. When he was done, he apologised saying its the devil’s work that I should keep it a secret between us. I left his room angrily and returned back home. When I got home, I started thinking why all this were happening to me, whether am the only girl child in the world experiencing this. Am not saved at home and I couldn’t find shelter in the church either, I wept bitterly, I cried out my souls to God to please free me from all the mess I was trapped in.
When I was in Ss3 as well I also got the same molestation from my maths teacher in the name of private tutoring.
The story changed when I finally got my admission. All thanks to my first boyfriend. I remembered the day we met in one of our lectures when our lecturer asked us a question, we both turned the hall into a court room because we both struggled in arguing with each others view but I can’t help it but to give up and let him have the day. After the lecture, he walked up to me and thanked me for saving his honor earlier. I smiled and that’s how we became friends. After few weeks he asked me out, I can’t help it but to say yes to him and I told him everything about my past then he assures me thar he will never brkng up my past.
Since I met him, all I experienced was joy. We got married after we both completed our NYSC then we were gifted by you of course.
This was all I experienced as a teenage, I was trapped for a very long time but I finally breakthrough. I want you to remember that not everyone can be so furtunate. And if you find yourself in a difficult situation never hesitate to raise your voice. I said this to my daughter as I end my story and we both said goodnight as she stand up to leave to her room.
The Pen Creative World 