Category: Entertainment

One thing we all agree on is that when it comes to schools africa, there is just one word to describe some of the experiences we all get in there: Crazy.

You really have not been to an African elementary or Primary school especially public ones if you never went through the following:

1. Your first day in school, was just to escort others. You had no book, no pen only tagging along, to go and play an cry when hungry (it is called taking yourself to school) because they could not leave you alone at home. Cane cutter’s age was ,measured by putting his hand over his head. I failed and was dismissed pronto, only for me to go to school the following day..and a female Mgasa, accepted me…thanks to that teacher.

Worst still your classroom had stones for desks.

2.You were the class monitor (Today they use class rep- many disliked the word monitor for the others often called you monitor lizard) then you got sent for the duster and you ended up roaming all the classes in search of a duster(Still wonder who really steal dusters). Woe unto you you if you were from a lower class and you ended up in the upper class. the look from them itself was enough to send you fleeing.

3. You were just about to go home and started singing the farewell song of the day….then you heard the bell running and never bothered , that the teacher was still in class or wasted your time to know where the door was for you any place including the windows could do. Then you reached home only to realise you left all your belongings in school, upon being asked.

Or You left school at 12.30pm but ended up reaching home at 6.00pm. all what you did was plying along the way from the time you left school with your gang only moving fifty meters after every hour. Those in upper classes would come pass you as you are plying and even meet you as they went back for afternoon clause only for you to now walk with them late in the evening as they left school for the day. But the catch was here: Your home was always the last among all your fellow rascals, no matter which route you took..so you would then stride in like a Ninja, that is when it hits you that you are all alone going to explain where you were all that time. Merceline Omollo, Asha, Polycarp, Benja, Eva Weda and all my old time gang members I still remember you’re.

4. You had that teacher who no mater where she/he was or you were, they would always identify and call you by your name, even when you are behind a wall and they could not see, you, they still knew you by name. Mrs. Omoro, Mr Odeny, Mrs Tado, Mr. Raburu (Put your tie properly).
5. You had that teacher whom whenever he opened his/her mouth to speak in the assembly, you would all be yearning to look for those bombastic words in the dictionary. Mr Okoth Okoth, especially the first assembly to introduce female teachers on duty, Jesus! He would start with a vocabulary and end with one and wen you were still there wondering about what he just said, he would add,
   ‘Why are you staring at me lugubriously?’
6. You had that teacher who would come to class, give one example then leave you assignments from the text book. The following day, he he would come and tell you to exchange your books and mark, he would proceed to write answers on the board then leave without uttering another word. or the the other who would come explain things then tell you to go make your own notes from page 10-32. Mr. Obote. weee!
7. You left school late in the evening having done all the assignments only to reach school the following morning to find their entire two boards in two classes filled with assignments especially maths and science, and you still remember you had not finished the ones you went home with the previous evening. Thank you madam Onunga, you were very patients with us doing maths even during your Home Science lessons.
8. You had that teacher who would stand in front and starts speaking and you would be wondering.
   ‘Is he/she inside a thermos flask?

His/her words could not just reach you. worst still they are they kind who would come to class and chose one sport and teach from their for 40 minutes without changing position. CRE teachers most likely who used to read notes from the text book word by word.

9. You happened to be the class prefect and be given the ‘disk’ to give to those who speak in vernacular, only to end up not giving anyone. The day you are given the disk , everyone else practised social distance from you. They neither sneezed, coughed or even greeted you; you would think they were masked. And because no one came near, you ended up being quarantined all day long in class for people would ran away whenever they see approaching Or still you were a class prefect yet the noisiest people in class were your friends or the class teacher’s’ children. In class 4 Cane Cutter reported twins who were his desk mates to the class teacher. The class teacher was the mother, only for them to come back and mock me more since the mother just told them to go back to class and keep quiet.
10. You were listed for the first time to speak in the debate before the whole school, You either disappeared from school that Friday afternoon or you prepared the whole day only for your brain to stop working the moment you stepped in front to speak.

I said ‘Thank you Mr. speaker madam’ five times then went back and sat down. Talking of the speaker, in Africa, we often never relate what we see with what is in our minds and tongues. In front is sitting a female speaker, but your brain and tongue often conspire to say
‘Madam Speaker Sir.’ Or ‘Mr. Speaker.’
It is something that is happening in our National Parliaments and senates today.

11. That Radio lesson just sounded Greek and by the end of the lesson , you had not written a thing only date. The Late Agao Patrobas, Elizabeth Omollo;the English these two spoke in that small box wacha tu.
12. You happened to have had a subject teacher who was also from the same village as you were. Worst still if family was poor, you would be the bat of her/his jokes in class.
13. You were all shepherded to go and weed in a teacher’s farm in the name of she/he would pay the activity fees for the whole class and all you got was porridge or strong tea with Githeri which had beans you could even count with your fingers.
14. There was that one teacher who never gave you time to play. Each time she/he saw you, it was time to send you to the market to buy him/her food. There you would your parent. I still believe teachers especially male teacher should not send students on personal errands more so to buy them food.
15. There was that malignant boil on the buttocks that just could not let you sit properly or play more so on the very day your were to chosen the striker for your class 6 vs class 8 soccer. then you told the class teacher about it, only to be called to the staff room and all teacher starts would burst into laughter while looking at you. He/she told them just in good faith not to cane that part of your body, but teacher being teachers..hmmm.
    16 Going home was sliding in the mud you thus constantly had birds nest on your short behind. Tamu Primary school Kids, you people were mad.
16. You participated in group love letter writings or replies (This one I will tell more on another day). Talking of love letters, you were a loner if you never received on every Mondays, Friday or after an outing.
17. You joined CU (Christian Union) to escape the cross country activity. In form one they were they only people allowed not to go for cross county.
18. You got bullied in form one to the point you started missing you missing your class 8 colleagues. Still on this if no one ever ‘closed or opened especially closed with you,’ then you never went to a Kenya school. Or still you had to give way for the tall class 8 pupils to pass when they were called. those day, pupils in class 8 were ‘small adults,’ I tell you.
19. Your head teacher (Then there were no Principals) whose speeches went this way:
    ‘This is not a feeding camp like some of you think, but place of learning……….’

‘Look at this one going round like the cows his father sold to bring him here….’

‘Some of you think this a place where they were brought just to add years and get national IDS, you are cheating yourselves….’

Or he/She would order you to follow him to the office, then turns abruptly on seeing you after him shout at you,.
Stop following me!’ Mr. Adu oooo

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